Applied for job. On Friday check voicemail, have message from this job asking me to call on Saturday between 1-3 to “clarify and expand on my resume.” I don’t do that. It’s a long story, just deleted a multi paragraph explanation.
Call on Monday, leave a voicemail, apologizing for getting back late and having phone problems. My cell has had no reception since Saturday, so I leave my Mum’s home phone number. (Am “home” for Reading Week.)
Then, this afternoon:
Phone lady: I’m NAME calling from PLACE OF EMPLOYMENT.
Me: Did you get my message?
Her: Yes, and thank you for providing this number for me to call.
Me: Yes, thanks so much for calling. For some weird reason my cell lost reception when I left Kingston.
Her: Yes, that is very strange. {AWKWARRRRRRDDDD}
So this is <tells me about job> So do you have any questions about the position?
Me: Um…
<*realize I have no questions, think that I should have questions, because I read somewhere that you should come prepared with questions to an interview, panic because I don’t have questions prepared, embarassed that she’s judging me for not having questions so instead of just saying “No” I say the following*:>
Me: “Uh yeah I don’t really have questions… but I feel like I probably should… so… is this an interview? Or just like questions about my resume?”
Her: “Well… it’s … uh… it’s kind of a pre-screening process to see who ends up getting an interview.”
Me: “Ohh, okay. Well uh I don’t have any questions right now but I might by the end.”
Her: *awkward pause and potentially short awkward force chuckled* “So what’s your availability like between now and October?”
Me: <I have no idea what I’m doing with my life between now and October, literally NO IDEA. give big long awkward ramble about online courses and one night class and going back to school in September so I don’t know what that schedule is like but saying that I’d be free probably and say I will be around for the summer, which is obvious because it’s a fucking summer job I applied for>
Her: “Okay…. ………. so is there any specific experience relevant to the job you’d like to highlight?”
Me: *panic, realize this is a legit intense interview I am not prepared for* Well uhhhh blahblahblah tourist industry blahblahblah haven’t been a tour guide before but blahblahblah smile welcome hospitality uh uh uh uh restaurant blahblahblah uh uh uh uh pause uhm uh well acting blahblahblah good public speaking skills… *realize I am not demonstrating good public speaking skills AT ALL*
Me: “Uhm uh, I’m usually more confident and articulate than I am right now.” *realize that’s a stupid thing to say, search for an excuse* “I’m kind of sick.”
Her: *laughs awkwardly again* Ok, so, what interests you about this position?
Me: <another panicked ramble that in almost no ways resembles my fucking awesome cover letter>
Her: Ok. And I uh I see that you have an Extended French Certificate listed on your resume…?
Me: Haha oh yeah that, I figured you’d ask about that. So I uh yeah I took extended french but uh I see that you’re looking for billingualism and unfortunately I’m not fully billingual I mean I used to be but I sort of lost it at university.. but yeah I did extended french in high school and was almost really billingual, I did speak French, er, provide service in French in a call centre position I had so I guess I could maybe do French if there’s, like, a script I can practise… I wish I could say I’m billingual but I want to be honest…
Her: Hmm okay yes there is a script and we are looking for tour guides to do French tours, but yeah if there’s a script you could look at it and see if it’s possible
Me: Okay, yeah, that’d be great, I’ll look at it and see if there’s a possibility I could maybe do it if I practise it. Yeah sorry I’m not billingual, I wish I could say I was but I figured I should be honest.
Her: Yes, honesty is good otherwise that would be misleading.
Me: ………………….haha, yeah, true.
Her: Ok, so that’s all my questions. We’re doing first round interviews this week but you’re away so you’ll miss it…
Me: I could come back early to interview!
Her: Well, it’s Thursday so that’s quite a bit early for you.
Me: Oh, yeah, true.
Her: But there’s more in a couple weeks, so, uh, hopefully I’ll speak to you again soon.
Me: Yeah, thanks. *in a flat depressed tone, realizing I fucked up.* Ok, well, goodbye, have a good weeek!!!!!
FUCK.
